Comparing MSU’s 2015 football opponents to the 2016 Presidential candidates
Followers of my Twitter account know that I probably tweet as much about politics as I do about sports. During the offseason, it’s probably more politics than sports. This annoys some people and I’ve lost a few followers over it, but like most people, I tweet about things that interest me.
Politics is actually the ultimate competitive sport, because it involves strategy, gamesmanship, trickery, media posturing and money. When you think about it that way, it’s really not much different than college football. So I decided to mix politics and college football just for fun to pose (and answer) this question:
Which presidential candidate best reflects the teams on the 2015 MSU football schedule?
USM – George Pataki. Some of you are probably asking “who is George Pataki? I’ve never heard of him. He must not have a prayer.” That’s exactly why he’s the perfect match for USM.
LSU – Donald Trump. Trump fits LSU because he’s got plenty of money, says lot of crazy things and is likely to implode before the primary season is over. Sounds a lot like LSU to me.
Northwestern State – John Kasich. Northwestern State competes in the Football Championship Subdivision. Likewise, John Kasich plays in the minor leagues and has no shot at winning.
Auburn – Scott Walker. Scott Walker has proven he can take on the big boys and win, and he has a real shot at winning the GOP nomination. Likewise, Auburn has proven they can take on the big boys of college football, and the Tigers have a real shot at winning the SEC West.
Texas A&M – Rick Perry. Kind of obvious, don’t you think? Both have big reputations in the Lone Star State, but both are likely to bomb out this time around.
Troy – Ben Carson. I’ve always liked Troy. I like Ben Carson, too. I just don’t think either one of them has a chance of winning.
Louisiana Tech – Bobby Jindal. I have a good friend who lives in Baton Rouge who told me Jindal has done great harm to LSU in terms of state funding. That would make him the anti-LSU. Louisiana Tech, being from northern Louisiana is kind of the anti-LSU too.
Kentucky – Rand Paul. Beside the fact that Paul is from Kentucky, there’s another similarity. UK always seems on the verge of a breakthrough in football, only to disappoint and finish near the bottom. Rand Paul seemed to be on the verge of being a great Senator, but unfortunately he ended up disappointing many of us.
Missouri – Marco Rubio. Missouri, in two years of being in the SEC, has rapidly risen through the ranks of the SEC, but might be poised for a letdown this year. Still, I wouldn’t count them out. That’s my view of Rubio as well.
Alabama – Hillary Clinton. The juggernaut. The evil empire. The perennial favorite. The one that never seems to get in trouble for breaking the rules. Are we talking Hillary Clinton or Alabama football? You be the judge.
Arkansas – Chris Christie. Mike Huckabee would seem to be the logical choice here, but I went with Krispy Kreme Christie because he’s the candidate that comes to mind when I see Brett Bielema on the Razorback sidelines.
Ole Miss – Jeb Bush. Jeb is the darling of the GOP establishment. Ole Miss is the darling of the media establishment. Jeb talks in platitudes. Hugh Freeze talks in platitudes. Jeb comes from old money. Ole Miss has a lot of old money. Jeb will get pounded by Hillary if they meet. Ole Miss will get pounded by Alabama when they meet this year. This is the perfect pairing.
Those are the opponents, but the big question is – which candidate best represents the Bulldogs? Ted Cruz. He’s an underdog yes, but he’s smart, he has passion, and he’s one of the good guys.