Ole Miss Has Made Us Believers
By 662Dawg
Please note this is a satire piece. As such, you should not take any of it seriously.
Every day I go to work across from three Ole Miss fans. After hours and hours of discussions I’m finally able to predict how their season will go…
Deadly passing game – check
Chad Kelly moves on from JUCO National Champion to NCAA National Champion. A quarterback with his resume is sure to step up and dominate at the next level. Look for Kelly and his arsenal to dominate SEC defenses.
Power running game – check
Jaylen Walton is the best 5’6 140 pound “between the tackles” runner in all of college football. Depth? The rebels have three backs that would start for any team in the country.
A receiving unit that “very few” NFL teams rival – check
Honestly, there’s no need to describe this unit, everybody’s a beast.
A massive offensive line full of four and five stars that return everyone from a bulldozing group last season – check
Laremy Tunsil has quickly made the rebel faithful forget about Michael Oher. It’s a pleasure watching this guy block five or six defenders at a time. A movie in the making?
A high school quarterback committed that may very well be a 2015 Heisman favorite by years end – check
This kid has a chance to become the first high school player to ever win the prestigious award. When the rebels sign five star quarterbacks – it’s a guarantee that they pan out. Take that to the “bank.”
The greatest defense of all time – college or NFL – check
Steal curtain who?
A set of cornerbacks that are sure fire first rounders and will dominate the SEC – check
Even the Seahawks front office dreams about this unit. Senquez Golson would have never seen the field had Tee Shepard been healthy last year.
A linebacker crew led by five star CJ Johnson, a four year starter at defensive end that will be a future NFL Hall of Famer – check
Nobody will remember who Patrick Willis is after this guy’s monster senior year. CJ is the type of talent that can play three linebacker spots at one time.
And last but certainly not least, a defensive line that’s going to take the world by storm in 2015 – check
The rebels return the greatest 6’3 215 pound pass rushing, run stuffing son of a gun at defensive end. And who could ever forget Robert “gets quadruple teamed” Nkemdiche? A guy that I fully expect the Heisman trophy to be renamed after. He may even win the Johnny Unitas award – He’s that good.
Folks, I never thought I’d say this – but I honestly see no way that the Rebels lose a game next year. I don’t even see a team competing with this Rebel team. That 2013 Rebel recruiting class is just too much for any SEC team to overcome.
Finally, I was able to look at this with an unbiased view and you guys are right – the rebels are just too talented to lose a game in 2015.
Don’t ask me what I’ve been thinking, because I just don’t know. Maybe it was my homerism. Maybe it was my Bulldog delusions. Maybe I’m just blind – who knows? Who cares?
They have convinced themselves. They have convinced the media and now they have convinced me. You will finally get a taste of an actual National Championship game. You will finally win a real title.
The Rebels have a message for everyone that’s not on the RebelBearShark train…
ARE YOU READY?