As we told you yesterday, CBS is reporting that Malik Newman will be announcing his decision to attend Mississippi State in 2015-16 and play for the Bulldogs. Bulldog fans are obviously excited. We here at Maroon and White Nation are excited as well, and immediately Ole Miss fans began to suggest Maroon and White Nation be the first to ever call Dak and Malik the greatest football-basketball athlete combo ever.
They think they know how we write. Little do they know that we wouldn’t think of calling Dak and Malik the greatest combo of football and basketball players ever.
They’re the greatest combo of HUMAN BEINGS ever.
Malik Newman and Dak Prescott are such amazing people, they will now team up to solve many of the world’s problems. The only question about how great of an impact they are going to have is where will they start?
World Hunger? That’s not a bad place.
National Debt? Sounds good to me.
Peace in the Middle East? Sure, why not?
Find a cure for cancer? Absolutely.
Individually the two are great people with extraordinary abilities. Together, combined with the power of Bully and under the watchful guidance of Mullen and Howland, the two will become worldwide heroes that accomplish more than anyone else in the history of man.
Time is limited for the duo. Malik and Dak will only be on campus together for one year, so they have to choose what to go after first. Mississippi has a weight problem? Dak and Malik are on the job with a fitness regimen that will get people working out and eating right.
People are fighting whether or not Common Core is ruining education? Dak and Malik will turn the children of America into Baby Einsteins.
As a matter of fact, the contributions that Dak Prescott and Malik Newman will be so great, I predict that 90% of Ole Miss fans will shed their loyalties as a result of Dak and Malik, pick up a cowbell, and proudly proclaim Hail State. The other 10% will claim Dak and Malik are the anti-Manning. We know this because the 30 for 30 documentaries introduced us to “The Book of Manning” in which it states “the anti-manning will rise from the heart of the beast that is Starkville and perform many great acts, turning many into Bulldog fans.”
I’ve learned and am reporting for the first time Dak and Malik have learned the secrets of the Flux Capacitor and have mastered time travel. They will use their Flux Capacitor to right many evils of the world. They are about to ensure slavery never existed, assassinate Hitler before he ever comes to power, prevent the invention of cigarettes, and prevent Teletubbies from ever coming on the air. Once they find a Delorean, they’ll be good to go. As a matter of fact, if you have no idea what I am talking about, they might have already done it.