MSU Baseball: Victims of Cougars on the Prowl


Slumps are a part of baseball, just like older women chasing after boys in cleats. Unfortunately, the two go hand in hand.

In February, the Mississippi State baseball team had their eye on the prize. Focused, they were 12-0.

But enter the month of March. The spring. That’s what brings out the ladies.

Not just any ladies. Most baseball players have girlfriends, and that has no effect on their play. The Diamond Girls are on the field, yet are not a negative influence. It’s the older woman – the smell of the forbidden fruit that turns talented baseball players into mush.

The Bulldogs are 7-11 in March. Five players who have started at least 2/3 of the SEC games so far are hitting under .220. The team is circling their wagons but the wheels keep falling off.

The root of the problem lies with the legion of cougars who have infiltrated the baseball team. For years they have lurked in the shadows of the player’s parking lot, hoping to get a hug or give a kiss on the cheek after a game. Now they’ve wiggled their way into the post-game festivities, pre-game cup checks and have been seen in the stands.

One player, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, said the cougar that tracked him down watches the game from a rig in Right Field. He’s constantly glimpsing in that direction to see what she’s doing, as there are many other young men in that area. He’s afraid he’ll get his heart broken, so he’s rife with jealousy and can’t focus.

What can be done about these cougars? It seems their infiltration is so deep it cannot be stopped. The dam is not just leaking, it’s flooding.

Word from a source in touch with the coaching staff is they plan to alternate the cougars from one player to another to see if it can generate some runs on the field. Also, there’s talk about changing positions to see if that helps. There’s no doubt this coaching staff likes to tinker with things until they figure out something that works, and this situation is no different.

If Coach Cohen has to go through a different cougar lineup for the players each game, he will do it. If Coach Thompson has to pull one player out right in the middle of his make out session with a cougar to bring in a new player, he will do it. The coaching staff believes this team has to sacrifice the chance at love by laying down a metaphorical bunt to get their teammate into metaphorical scoring position. It’s just what you do to break out of a slump – just ensure one player scores.

Of course, if one good player sacrifices for another and they don’t score, it can really be a downer that hurts morale. Some suggest that you if get to first base with no outs, you might as well try to drive the guy in rather than sacrificing just for the one guy. I think we can all live with getting stranded at first base, but it can hurt to get to third and have the inning end.

Also, some players who have been used to their particular cougar might not like having to share them. It can throw you off to have your cougar taken away when you get to the ballpark, and can really hurt your mental approach.

It’s a tough situation the Diamond Dawgs are currently in. Let’s just hope they clear their heads and find their way out of it soon.