An Off Season Guide to Becoming a Better Football Fan
We have officially hit the offseason for college football and that’s kind of sad is it not? But, have no fear; college football will be back before you know it and you have recruiting, spring practice and more to look forward to.
For football players the offseason means early morning workouts, running, meetings and more. Its months of a continuous grind to try and become that better player before kickoff, which is about eight months away.
You will monitor and follow your favorite teams and players all offseason long with nothing but extreme expectations of them becoming better football players, but what are you doing to become a better fan?
That’s right, I am calling you Johnny fan boys out – demanding you become a better you.
So allow me to help you out and offer you an offseason guide to becoming a better football fan – it’s free of charge and advice you really should adhere to.
Stop Tweeting Recruits:
Since we are at the apex of the recruiting season we will start here. Johnny Fan Boy has a twitter account or adds Player X to Facebook and instantly thinks he has 24-hour access to the next super star in college football. So why not try and persuade him to come to my college!
Well first off it’s an NCAA violation. That in it-self should be enough to detour Fan Boy. Per NCAA regulations:
"“As soon as you contact a recruit and try to persuade them to come to your school, you automatically become a booster because you are helping a recruit come to a specific institution,” [Oklahoma State assistant athletic director of compliance Ben] Dyson said. “Boosters aren’t allowed to recruit prospective student-athletes.”"
But, this is highly unlikely to slow fan boy down because fan boy doesn’t think the NCAA will do anything (which they probably won’t) and fan boy is only trying to help his team land the next Peyton Manning.
Besides the fact that you are in fact committing a violation – this is just flat creepy. Grown men or women should not be contacting a teenage boy, trying to persuade them in any manner. It really reeks of something odd and you could be on your way to being on this show.
Stop showing your ignorance by saying quarterbacks need to switch to tight ends:
This is the biggest fallacy in football today – that if quarterback “A” is a big dual threat quarterback (Dak Prescott, Tim Tebow), they need to move to tight end to play football in the NFL.
Since when did Johnny Fan Boy become an NFL scout and how do you actually know Quarterback “A” can even play tight end? Have you seen him block, catch or run routes? This is the biggest bag of crap out there today that you are spewing. Why? Because you can count on one finger where this has worked – Matt Jones at Arkansas.
Other than Jones, quarterbacks just don’t make moves like this. You might as well be trying to sell me a gold bracelet to wear, telling me it cures arthritis. Wait, we’ve already been sold this so stop. Robert Lane made this move in the mid-2000’s at Ole Miss and it panned out about as well as releasing a terrorist from GITMO and expecting them not to rejoin a terror regime.
Quarterbacks are just that, they are quarterbacks and will live and die by their quarterback sword. Asking a quarterback to play tight end is like telling a bird dog to stop chasing birds.
Please quit telling everyone you have a source:
Everyone has a source they go to for information now days and if you don’t believe them, just ask.
In the ever growing popular age of information, everyone wants to be THE GUY with the information and for several reasons.
One, your ego is probably one that is broken and fragile. If you feel you can provide folks with information, (even if it’s wrong) you have just become the center of a conversation that just won’t quit. This helps feed your ego and it helps boost your confidence. I suggest getting a dog or joining a gym. Those will equally help your self-esteem.
Secondly, if you fumble around and get something right once in a while, then it again feeds the broken ego. You feel important for a minute and it makes you feel good. See above about buying a dog.
There is a ton of information out there that is accurate and that is never reported in a blog, paper or on a website, but the reality is very few really know. Probably about 10% of people really have an inside source, while the rest is flat lying so stop lying and telling everyone you have a source. We know you really don’t.
Quit second guessing your coaching staff because you really don’t know what you’re talking about:
People ask me from time to time why I don’t get out and watch football with tons of people, be it at a bar, restaurant or gathering. I am really a football recluse and like watching football either by myself or with a select few people and I’m that way because you people have made me that way.
The worse thing in the world is when you are trying to watch a game and the person next to you is trying to tell you what he or she would’ve called or why the previous play was a bad one. Honestly, nobody cares what you think and odds are you’re wrong anyway.
THROW THE BALL DEEP DABNABIT: This again is another huge fallacy that fans fall into. If my team would just throw the ball deep! Trust me I know what I’m talking about! No, fan boy you really don’t. In 2013 Florida State led the country in average yards per pass attempt at 10.3 which was 0.2 yards per play more than Baylor, BAYLOR – who throws it 75-times a game.
The fact is a deep ball is a low percentage play and a calculated play. It is really like shooting a three point shot in basketball, but with a lower percentage of success. The further you throw the ball down the field, the more the odds increase of bad things happening. Trust your team; they are calculating when and when not to GO DEEP.
And quit telling me for goodness sakes what you would do, nobody cares.
Be More Respectful at Ball Games:
You’ve got your season tickets, tailgate spot, food, beverages, your new shirt and you’re ready to hit the stadium and tell everyone what the coach should do, because you know but, in doing that you have the worst manners in the world.
You cuss, you scream cuss words, you spill your liquor laced drink on the back of the old woman in front of you, hold your sign so high the person behind you can’t see and will demand everyone listen to you about what needs to be done.
If this description fits you then what should happen is you should have your season tickets ripped from your football heart and told never to return.
But, that won’t happen so let’s reel it back in a little bit meat. Football is fun and games are fun but they should be fun for all.
If you’re mad, walk away – nobody wants to hear your cussing rant, plus odds are there are kids around. Have some respect. Not everyone drinks either so be cognizant of that; or if you just have to have a drink, do it discretely.
If you MUST have a sign with some scribble on it, be respectful to those around you. People didn’t come all that way to look at the back of your sign. And for God sakes stop telling everyone what your coach should do. Again, nobody cares.
These are just SOME of the things you can do to be a better football fan. There are others and we will touch on that later, but let’s crawl before we walk. Work on these five helpful hints and you will become a much better fan by kickoff 2015.