Top 5 Urinal Troughs in the SEC

Apr 12, 2014; Knoxville, TN, USA; A general view Neyland Stadium during the Tennessee Volunteers orange and white spring game. Mandatory Credit: Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

If you’re a man and use the men’s restroom at college football games you know all about the urinal trough. It’s where we stand, pretending like we are cattle or horses or other livestock eating, but we relieve ourselves of the pressure our urinary bladder is under instead.

Since there are so many great lists on the internet of everything from the best marching bands to the best atmospheres, I thought I’d take a stab at the time honored male tradition of the urinal trough.

5. LSU – these troughs are pretty cool because they are painted in gold and purple stripes. Now, if you have to go really bad and stare too long you could be subject to some pretty intense dizziness. Also, there is a corn dog vendor in the bathroom – but beware of the splash – you don’t want any extra flavoring on your special treat.

4. Tennessee – going to Neyland Stadium is awesome, especially if you love nose-bleed sections.  Personally, I always have to pee after climbing 200 feet of sloped sidewalk so I head straight for the urinal trough. The last 10 years or so have been great because of all the extra space to really spread out and have your own little area to go. The privacy is great! My last trip to Rocky Top was sort of upsetting because they ran out of hot chocolate – I never even visited the troughs.

3. Georgia – these are hands down the nicest troughs in the SEC, but they drop to number three because of the UGA fans who use them. It never fails, the guys will stand too close together. I’m talking about some of them will even pee sideways to fit in and try to hit your stream with their stream. It’s disturbing. Some blame it on all the metro-sexuals, some blame it on the alcohol. But, hey, if you love rubbing hip to hip with a sweaty bald man with a bulldog painted on his head, Samford Stadium’s troughs are the place for you.

2. Auburn – these may be the nastiest of all urinal troughs in the SEC. Jordan Hare hasn’t been updated since 1953 (unofficial stat). So why are they number two? The people. Everyone at Auburn is family. A complete stranger is willing to take a little boy who can’t quite get his you know what up to the trough and lift him up on his shoulders so he can pee. Every man in there will make sure to shake the hand of the next user before he hits the sink and goes back to his seat. Great folks on the plains.

1. Mississippi State – have you seen the urinals at our beloved Davis Wade? Solid stainless steel, specialized current flow and 18″ trough to prevent splash back. It was designed by the master craftsmen that developed the old Cheers troughs, and later Rick’s Cafe. If there’s one thought I hold dear, it’s the day I get to take my boy into the urinal troughs at Davis Wade, fish his cowbell out when he drops it, grab some nachos and ask his sister to hold the cowbell while he chomps down some tortilla chips, cheese sauce and jalapenos.