Slive Cancels Mississippi State’s 2014 Season

Jul 14, 2014; Hoover, AL, USA; SEC commissioner Mike Slive talks to the media during the SEC Football Media Days at the Wynfrey Hotel. Mandatory Credit: Marvin Gentry-USA TODAY Sports

In a move that is sure to surprise many, Mike Slive informed Mississippi State Coach Dan Mullen and the three players he brought with him to Birmingham for SEC Media Days, that they could head back to Mississippi before their appearance at Media Days. The reason?

He was cancelling their season.

Slive announced his decision in Mississippi State’s slot for Media Days. His reasoning was that this is the first year of the new College Football Playoff, and if the SEC wants to get a new National Championship streak going, the best way to ensure doing so would be to put two teams in the playoff. Mississippi State has elevated its program from perennial cellar dweller to a team that has had a few nice seasons. 2014 looked to be the Bulldogs best season yet, and that is where the problem began for Commissioner Slive.

“Mississippi State has forgotten their place in the SEC,” Slive stated. “It has been okay for the Bulldogs to make a few bowls the way they have the past four years, but this talk of having a breakout year is a concern. If Mississippi State were to beat one of our favorites, it could cost that team a chance at a National Championship. I understand that feelings will be hurt in Starkville, but they have to understand that this is for the good of the conference.”

While cancelling a league member’s season altogether is a strange move, what is even stranger is that Slive will still give wins and losses to Mississippi State to ensure the top tier teams get credits for victories to help their strength of schedule. As a matter of fact, Commissioner Slive informed Athletic Director Scott Stricklin that he will not be allowed to refund the fans’ ticket costs. The Commissioner said all games will be simulated on Mississippi State’s giant video boards via last year’s EA NCAA Football game. The game will be scripted and both players will have to follow the script, or else they will receive severe electrical shocks through an electric dog collar they will have to wear while playing the game. The result of the simulation will be recorded as the actual result.

While a disappointment for Mississippi State fans, the Commissioner reminded them that this is what happens when a team starts to try to catch up. He implored the Bulldogs to fall back in line or more stringent punishments might be necessary. He did not say what those punishments might be, but it was hinted that probes could be in order. No word yet on how this will affect 2015, but we will keep you posted.

Author’s Note: This post was labeled Satire. If I have to explain anything further than that, perhaps you shouldn’t have read it.