October 13, 2012; Oxford, MS, USA; Mississippi Rebels fans in the Grove before the game against the Auburn Tigers at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Chuck Cook - USA TODAY Sports

Ole Miss Loses its First Party


One of the greatest streaks in all of college athletics has come to an end. It’s one that has dated back to 1848. What streak is that?

Ole Miss has lost its first ever party.

In what is one of the most shocking results in the past 200 years, Ole Miss and its student body are left shell shocked today. Seeing how these parties are not sanctioned by the school, details of the loss have been hard to come by. There have been some who have agreed to come forward on the condition of anonymity.

One source has cited that the problems began when brand new fraternity Zeta Zeta Zeta decided to throw their own party. The source informed us that Ole Miss has a very strict “no parties in your first year” unwritten rule. While Ole Miss has had an impeccable record when it comes to partying up until this point, everyone knew that the slightest mishap could occur, hence the unwritten rule. Zeta Zeta Zeta, or more commonly referred to as the Snorers (ZZZ) felt they were perfectly capable of keeping the time honored streak alive.

Problems started as soon as the party began. It started at 5:00 (serious violation) and everyone came on time (as opposed to being fashionably late). The guys wore normal neckties instead of the fashionable trend of bow ties. Girls did not match their sundresses to their bags.

The real trouble started when the food and beverages arrived. All food brought was Great Value Brand and served on paper plates, and they weren’t even Chinet. Even worse, the pledges responsible for providing the “refreshments” failed to deliver the aforementioned goods as they had not been properly trained on how to secure such items without a valid ID. A last ditch effort was made to salvage the party by sending a group to Star Package, but the pledges made their second critical mistake by ordering Natural Light instead of Bud Light.

It’s a sad day on the campus of the University of Mississippi. Preston Sawyer Millhouse, President of the school’s Greek Association, told us that, while he cannot officially acknowledge such a party took place, the school would learn from this and use it as a learning experience for all. All streaks must come to an end, and the school is looking forward to starting a new one. We’ll see if this one lasts over 160 years.

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Tags: Mississippi State Bulldogs

  • Luke Pickard

    Someone owes me 60 seconds of my life back for having to read this nonsense.